I’m confused and I don’t know what I want. There, I said it. It’s January 2020, and everyone is setting new goals they want to achieve this year and this decade. Myself included. I promised myself that this year would be a year of finally taking action. Taking action in pursuing my dreams. But how can you take action when you don’t know what you want?
What Do You Want?
It all started with a simple question. I was messaging with a guy I’ve been seeing for a few years, and we were discussing where to take our relationship. He asked me what I wanted. As in what I wanted from our relationship. Instead of thinking about our relationship, I delved deep into myself and started thinking about what I really want.
I sat down and wrote my goals and dreams in my notebook dedicated solely to this purpose. What do I want to achieve this year? I want to become independent. I want to start a business and grow my personal brand. Sounds good, huh? But I also want to start travelling the world. Well, I guess I should focus on business building first, and then start travelling. Or should I do both?
In the process of goal-setting, I got a little lost and realised that I don’t know what I want. Not really. I don’t even know where I want to live.I don’t know if I should start building a home or pursue the digital nomad lifestyle. I’m about to apply for the settled status in the UK, but do I even want to stay?
My initial idea was to write a novel. I did that. But the novel is a lot about travelling to places I’ve never been to. So I thought I would travel to these places and wrote the novel in the process, while I’m also learning to become a photographer. But then the desire to start a business kicked in. Again. So, should I focus on starting a business now and then once it becomes profitable, start travelling and write the novel?
Writing Down My Interests
For the longest time, I didn’t know what my business should be. Due to my desire for freedom and wandering around, I decided that an online business would be the best bet. An online business will allow me to live the lifestyle I want to live. I love creating blogs and writing. So, a blog it should be. But what should it be about? What are my interests?
In my desperate state of finding a direction, I decided that writing down my interests on paper where I can clearly see them would be the best thing to do in that situation. Blogging, writing, photography, content creation, healthy lifestyle, minimalism, books… The list goes on.
As time went by, I decided that I would like to start a blog about blogging for beginners. The thing is that I’m not an expert. I’ve been doing this thing for a few years now, so I do have some knowledge. But despite that, the imposter syndrome slowly sank in. I’m really passionate about blogging this thing, but what if people start questioning my credibility?
Of course, I won’t be telling people how to make a six-figure income from blogging. I’m not doing that myself. But I’ve gained quite a bit of knowledge about the industry, and what goes into making a blog by trial and error over the past few years, so I think the business could be helpful.
Building My Personal Brand
In the meantime, I decided to take some time off of this business, and focus on my personal brand. I realised that starting with my website would be the best start. But what is my personal brand about? I started out as a fashion blogger. Then the passion for fashion wore off. Then I rediscovered my love for fiction writing and got interested in photography after I bought my DSLR. I’ve started a new Instagram account where I combine those two just a few days ago.
Okay, so do I brand myself as a writer and photographer? I updated my website to serve as a landing page for myself, where I would be publishing my short stories, and publish y photography portfolio as well. But what about the blogging business? So I revamped the whole website again. I guess that the main concept about my brand and myself is that I’m confused, I don’t know what I want, and I’m still finding myself. And that’s what this website is now about. All I want at the moment is clarity.
I do know that I want to build a business, become an entrepreneur, continue living in London, build a home, and later start travelling and work on my novel. But a part of me is questioning that decision. I find it quite fitting that I don’t even know if I know what I want.
xoxo, S. V.
Feel free to also follow my journey on my personal Instagram account.